PTSD - It's what's for dinner.

It's easier to go to the gym and tend to our bodies than it is to tend to our minds.... or at least that is MY opinion. And Right now - I'm going to venture into the land of 'WAY too much personal information" segment of our blog...

I suffer from PTSD due to some of the times and adventures I had back in my younger, Army days... and I, more or less, live with it these days and things are "okay" - but there are certain, special times of the year that it comes in swinging... like a wrecking ball to quote a shitty, shitty song.

The problems associated with PTSD and PHYSICAL fitness are many... but, to me at least, the big ones are the lack of sleep, lack of motivation, and withdrawing from other people and social settings. Because, let's face it - if you add those things up - the last place you want to go is the gym.

On top of that - there is the occasional misuse of certain substances... namely alcohol. I've already talked about that (here in this post). It is used as a method to combat some of the effects brought about by PTSD - mainly anxiety and, in some cases, the lack of sleep. Or, you know... so I've heard.

So - not sleeping, being all pissy, and not wanting to interact with people can do a number on you. I've put on 4 lbs in the last week because I've been stress-eating, drinking too much alcohol, not sleeping, and skipping the gym. It's not cool.

When it comes to anything dealing with your brain - it is best to seek out professional help... But, if you are anything like me, you don't like doing that. Which isn't a problem, per se, it just means you need to stop, look at your situation as a whole, and do some serious soul-searching. It's often difficult to tell when you're in a position of potential harm to yourself - or possibly others. And if that point is reached - it becomes far more than just  missing the gym.... SO - if you suffer from PTSD... seek help. It's okay to do so. We have such a stigma in this country for mental health and mental well-being. It's not a bad thing if someone has PTSD...


Now - on a personal level - 

Most people - these days - associate this with soldiers and warfare. We have a LOT of vets with PTSD. And, as a result, people think that "Oh, he just doesn't like loud noises" or "he gets moody around people." or "He just has bad dreams..."

 And while these things ARE true... they are certainly not the only reactions to PTSD... it can, and does, rear its ugly head in a LOT of different ways....

Signs and Symptoms of PTSD:

• Nightmares ✓
• Anger, Rage, and/or Irritability ✓
• Depression ✓
• Loss of Self-Esteem ✓ **
• Difficulty  in Trusting Others✓ **
• Guilt ✓ **
• Trouble Sleeping ✓
• Substance Abuse ✓
• Isolation and Alienation From Others ✓
• Persistent Memories ✓
• Anxiety ✓
• Heightened Sense of Danger ✓
• Hyper Alertness or Startle Response Changes ✓

Out of this list - I put a "✓"next to all of the ones that have affected me at one point or another... You'll probably note that I put it next to all of them - because it's true.  And I put ** next to some of the ones I feel most people don't associate with PTSD. And those are the ones that are tricky. The VA counselors were all really big on "nightmares, substance abuse, sleeplessness, and anger" - but I was personally never really told to be aware of those "**" symptoms... and let me tell you - they suck ass.

It's one thing to have a bad dream and be on edge... it's an entirely different thing to develop severe trust issues in your friends and loved ones... it's an entirely different thing to wake up and feel completely worthless for no apparent reason. Even though I can say "Hey, this isn't true. This is just the PTSD talking" - it doesn't get through.

Imagine this: 
It's like drinking a coke, but tasting poison. You can SEE it's a Coke. You KNOW it's a Coke... but regardless of the knowledge - your brain says "nope. It's poison". It takes the people in your life to say to you that "No, it's Coke." and then - it tastes like Coke. But they have to keep reassuring you that it's Coke and not poison... I'll eventually remember that it's coke, but I might need you to just hang out with me until I do. 

This is the most apt representation I can find for PTSD moments

It's difficult to talk about this shit... so I hope I didn't ramble too much.

One last note -

PTSD does not mean "be on egg shells with me" - It just means that if I do have a moment - help me remember that it's Coke... not poison.

I can't say that this is the same for everyone I know with PTSD... but it is with me.


Until Next Time - Get your head on right and get to the gym!

Sleep Deprivation...

Not really a good post... but I just wanted to say that I HATE Daylight Saving Time.

HATE.

IT.

That hurts... is that supposed to hurt?

Every now and then I'll work out a little harder than I probably should, go home, shower, and go to bed... thus resulting in almost crippling body aches the next morning for not properly stretching out my muscles before sleep...

So... yeah. This morning I'm moving around like an octogenarian... I need to remember to take my time at the end of my workouts and properly stretch out before bed or else I'll be unable to go to the gym all together. And that would be bad. 

Until Next Time - Stretch out!

I'm terrible at being a Gym-Bro

I don't get it... the idea of going to the gym to socialize, hang out, share your problems with strangers... It's weird to me. Maybe it's because I generally don't like people?  I don't know. I'm kind of a nerd - and people generally give me anxiety.

What I DO know - is I'm terrible at the "Sup, bro?!" thing at the gym. If you want to talk to me at the gym you have exactly 90 seconds between sets and 120 seconds between exercises. I will gladly talk to you then.  But I do not want to stand there and talk to you about your diet or workout plan for 15 minutes while my heartbeat returns to a resting rate and I lose all of my motivation. Sorry.

If you want to talk - get a gym-buddy or a workout partner. You can talk to that person while you workout and help motivate one another... that's what they're there for!

The gym is where I go to work off fat and anger while I build muscle. I have no desire to make new friends with people whose names I don't know.

I'm sorry - this sounds angry and whiny - but I assure you, it's not. It's just an observation.


Until Next Time - Don't bother the people with headphones in at the gym.

DO STUFF!

Nothing real to post today - Starting some HIIT stuff this week... got all sweaty. It was a good time.

Tomorrow is weigh-in day for the week... I should be 224 or so. Which is on track for my goals.



.... and, yes, I need to shave and get a haircut...

The "Cheat" day...

The cheat day... the one word every person like myself loves to use to allow themselves to overeat and indulge in extra calories...

Now... My daily calorie/MACRO (jazz hands) goals look like this:

Calories: 1,800

Protein: 186 grams

Fat: 83 grams

Carbs: 93 grams

And I, more or less, have stuck to this for a while - and it works for me. The only time I'm really hungry or don't feel like I have enough energy are the days following an intense routine at the gym or the days following a night of tossing and turning in bed with no sleep. 

But then - on Fridays - I have a "cheat day". 

I've found that a cheat DAY... is a bad idea. A cheat MEAL... totally acceptable - within limits. 

Can I eat 8,000 calories on a Friday night - you bet your ass I can!  Should I?  No. I should not. 

If you've been spending every day counting calories, weighing your food, looking at MACROS (jazz hands), and basically giving your life into the evils of healthy living - then when it comes time to reward yourself - have some damn control. 

If I were to eat every day like I should and then blow it all on Friday with doughnuts for breakfast, a medium pizza for lunch, 3 Mountain Dews in the afternoon, and Nachos with a side of beer for dinner - I'd A: be putting down about 4,000 calories and I know for 100% certainty that it would be well out of my MACROS (jazz hands!)... And then what?  Well it would send my body into a spiraling vortex of doom pretty much. My sugar levels would be all over the place, my blood pressure would probably spike, and I'd probably feel like shit... I say "probably" even though I know this actually happens because I've tried it. 

What I suggest, therefore, is the lovely idea of a moderated cheat MEAL... for example - today is my "Cheat day" so I had an 8" Chicken and bacon pizza from Pizza King - Pizza King is absolutely f*Cking awful by the way... but I forgot to bring my lunch so I was stuck with it - It is most assuredly outside of my calorie range... but it's probably not TOO far off from what I'd like to eat. The worst thing being the fat content and the carbs in the crust - but one meal out of the entire week won't wreck me. 

Then tonight - I'll have my lettuce wrap "nachos" which will take me over my goal calorically, but is still pretty healthy and in tune with my goals... 

So - how about it?  1 meal a week where you can go crazy - but not TOO crazy?  Give it a shot. It helps. 

Until Next Time - All things in moderation. 

The importance of SLEEP

If ONLY I could sleep on a regular basis... I'd probably be happy, healthy, and super fit by now. But, as it stands, I often spend many nights awake, staring at my clock as I watch the minutes tick by...

Last night I watched my clock go from 10:15 all the way until 1:45...

Not sleeping is bad for you, Mkay?

I need to sleep better. Sleep is important in a LOT of ways. According to Harvard Medical School -"Chronic sleep deprivation may cause weight gain by affecting the way our bodies process and store carbohydrates, and by altering levels of hormones that affect our appetite." And, it you're trying to lose weight and get healthy - that's bad for you.

Sleep loss may result in irritability, impatience, inability to concentrate, and moodiness - which, could then keep you from going to the gym... or help you order that large, comforting pizza instead of the fish and broccoli... Sleep disorders have been linked to hypertension, increased stress hormone levels, and irregular heartbeat. It also alters immune function.

So - try to get a full night of sleep. Adjust your schedule, relax, and see if that helps you out.

Until next time - get some rest!